ugg ladies gloves Tales from the Banana Seat
Student Seduction, starring Saved By the Bell’s Jessie Spano!
This movie opens right up to the police barging into a high school and asking for some dude named Joshua. He is confused.
Then they go to Jessie Spano’s classroom and she’s teaching her students about oxidation. She asks the police if they need her for more questioning so she is not confused did she call them? They tell her she can’t finish her class and have her come with them.
The cops who have Joshua in custody walk right into these cops, which seems a bit messy and also opens everything up to school gossip when the bell rings and students flood out and see both a student and a teacher with the police. Joshua continues to look confused.
Cut to, an alarm going off at 6am and Jessie Spano’s husband getting all frisky, while she apparently sleeps in full makeup and a black lace nighty. This scene has the “one month earlier” text on it so we know this happened one month ago. Husband tells her that only her could make chemistry sexy and then they make out a lot in a long sexy scene that is to show that this lady is in a great marriage. After they do it she says “we have to be more careful about getting pregnant.” Um, that thought should come BEFORE the sex. Husband is all “or, less careful.” with a raised eyebrow but she isn’t having it and shoves him off. They go downstairs and husband brings it up again and she says that she can’t take maternity leave right now because this is her first year teaching. He makes a pretty gross comment about how she already has a job being a doctor’s wife “isn’t that every woman’s dream?” Ew.
This next scene really happens Jessie Spano pulls up to school and just sits in the car mildly jamming to some boring alterna rock song.
She’s not singing along or anything, just slightly bobbing her head. Some student gets dropped off and goes up to the car all “is this ‘Take Me Away’?” and Jessie says she just loves this song and the student admits that it’s great but she doesn’t have it yet. END SCENE.
What the eff just happened? Was that clever product placement for the band Lifehouse?
In school we see Joshua and he’s in the hall making out with some blonde so he’s clearly a ladies man. Another teacher calls this couple “two future members of the unwed parents club.” Laughs. Jessie says she should remember what it was like to be that age. I think we’re supposed to believe that Jessie Spano is young here because she is mistaken for a student in the next minute. Ummmmm, no. She’s 30 something and also not dressed like a student at all and she has her full hair and makeup done.
She’s teaching chemistry and Joshua is kind of dumb. He shatters a beaker because he removes it from heat abruptly after everyone tells him not to and he just sits there with a hangdog look on his face like “whahappened?”. His lab partner is pissed.
^^^^^ the blonde he was making out with ^^^^^
Joshua tells Jessie Spano that he is going to have to drop the class because it’s messing with his average and then we’re in a counseling session with them, Joshua’s parents and the principal.
Joshua’s dad claims that this new hotshot teacher is the problem because she runs her class like it’s a college course (it’s a senior level chemistry class, shouldn’t it be sort of like a college course?) and that his son’s grades shouldn’t suffer. No one agrees with him and it’s decided that Jessie Spano will be doing some tutoring after school a few times a week, ON HER OWN TIME to help this idiot. His dad doesn’t even thank her. Dad needs to wake up and smell the coffee, the coffee that smells like your idiot son.
Joshua is a little too into the tutoring idea but Jessie Spano is such a wide eyed baby about this whole teaching thing that she doesn’t notice and mistakes his boner for a boner for learning about chemistry. Rookie mistake!
She is pretty hard ass with him until she totally lets him take her out to a burger place that other kids hang out at but this seems to happen on other teen shows so maybe it’s not weird? After graduating, I’d hang out one on one with my history teacher. My sister, who was in his class, was the only one who hated that haha. He’s telling her that his dad expects him to go to an Ivy league school but luckily dad is an alum with money so this doofus should be fine. She tells him about her marriage and how she worked to put her husband through medical school before going to “the teacher’s college.” He’s all “whoa, you supported him?” because no women in his family work or support the family (not a joke, he’s really never heard of that).
Joshua is dumb enough to tell her that she doesn’t look like most people who are good at science because she is “a babe.” She is uncomfortable but also pissed and asks him if attractive women are all stupid and he backtracks. She tells him to stick to the work and takes off.
The next day in tutoring session she’s teaching him about hydrogen bonds while he looks at her butt. He sort of gets it but then says he still can’t do it on his own. Tutoring session is over and he asks if he can take her out for another veggie burger.
She’s all “no, that was a one time deal” and he has the audacity to say that since she’s the wife of a doctor he just thought maybe she’d be alone but he doesn’t get that sentence out before she cuts him off and tells him that’s inappropriate. She also has the smarts to inform him that she’s doing him a huge favor and that he should just appreciate that.
The blondie from before finds Joshua and basically tells him her parents aren’t home so they should “study” at her house. He unlocks his car which means he’s down with this plan. END SCENE.
Jessie Spano is at the movies where she learns that her husband won’t be joining her because he’s stuck at work. She’s kind of pissed. Then we cut to Josh and blonde girl boning in the shower, and by that of course I mean to say that they’re “studying.”
She throws on some jeans made out of denim, lace and bandanas and asks if they can get dinner at “the caboose.” I hope that’s not a euphemism.
(this picture is only included to show a little peek at those jeans, the incredible waist band free jeans made out of household items)
He starts undressing her again and she says that they never go anywhere but he’s not listening. She then says “you can be such a jerk sometimes” and he FREAKS out and throws her down. “DON’T EVER CALL ME THAT!!” All the while he’s only wearing a towel that doesn’t even budge.
She tells him to leave and he does. In his glued on towel.
At school he walks right passed the girl he was just psycho to (and also banged in the shower) and on to the girl who just loves that song (from the commercial for that band earlier) and says something about needed her chemistry homework and asks if 30 dollars will make her feel better about things.
She looks really uncomfortable like she’s afraid of him though and he words things really weirdly about how they need to bury the hatchet. What has this jerk done to her? I’m sure we’ll soon find out.
Joshua is in his chemistry tutoring session giving his duhhhh face when Jessie Spano asks him what he’s thinking about and he says a girl. She tells him to go home.
In the parking lot her car won’t start and she calls someone and is all “yeah, it’s me again” to show us that her car breaks down all the time. They say it will be a while and she hangs up her phone and keeps trying to start it as though this time will be different.
Creepy Joshua pops up by her car all “I may be bad at chemistry, but I’m awesome at fixing cars!
” and has her pop the hood. He fixes and she thanks him but then he calls her by her first name like they’re buddies and she gets her frown on. Displeased!